Skoda Rally Blog

OK, so it’s only brief, but thanks to my eagle-eyed sis, there’s some footage on YouTube of us on the Sunseeker – first time I’ve seen the car from the outside…. It’s only about 5 seconds though, so nothing to get too excited about, but it’s at 1:02 or so if you’re interested. Or bored!

If you missed the excitement of the Sunseeker (!) then you can listen to it here – the globecast podcast has highlights including yours truly on the start line – it was quite a laugh this year, and we didn’t manage the triple-wooden spoon, so it sounds better in retrospect….

Any doubts I may have had about not being excited were soon dispelled when I awoke at 4:30 and couldn’t really get back to sleep. Not a good start to the day – by the time I got up at 7 I felt tired!

We got everything together, met up with Kev and Jo (who were as chase car), and then set off for the service area, which was as ever like a little town. And warmer than in previous years – Canford Arena is always windy, but it was bearable which made a pleasant change. The car started on the button (which was nice), and I changed the wheels over and got everything else ready. Which wasn’t a lot, really. Everyone else seems to have hundreds of things to do, but I guess having a simple, near-standard car means if it’s OK, it’s OK!

Our due time came, and off we went to the first stage of the day, SS3, Bere Heath. The entry to Bere Heath is really rough and wet, and with the hours of rain from the night before, it was soaked. And there was a queue, because a couple of cars had gone off, leading to a 20 minute delay. So, we got out, had a chat with a few people and waited to get to the front, which seemed to take a lot longer. Just before the line, we saw Rod Bennett, who’d done WRGB, and his car had died on the start line, with no drive, so he just said “hello” and that he was round the corner. Not a good day for him, sadly. We got going, and it went OK. The ground was really wet, which meant muchola ruttage, and also the car was quite slow because of the extra drag. There was a big watersplash where the cars had gone off, so we took it easy there, and then it was over, being shortened due to the FC having made a mess of the road – 2 miles shorter than usual.

SS4, Wareham North was marshalled by the BDCC, so I saw a few familiar faces. It starts with a very long straight, and after a few corners I came across a situation which looked like the kind of thing you hope you never see – several cars stopped in stage and at first I thought “Oh God, someone’s had a bad one” – there were the few cars in front of us from the line, and then a couple stopped on the corner. And then it became clear – the front car had got stuck, and the one behind them had got stuck too – everyone was out of the cars, and all the other cars were just unable to get past. The 205 in front of us and the other Skoda then got stuck, and it took a while to get them past. Once they had, the other Skoda got past and we had to too – thanks to a helping hand from Simon Andrew (only realised it was him afterwards) we didn’t lose much time. And we spent the rest of the stage in sight of the Becketts (who’d lost nearly a minute to us as a result), and realising that although their car is quicker in the straights (it’s lighter than the Felicia and probably a bit more powerful too), we were going in harder in the corners and catching up. I didn’t get too close as I didn’t want to hit them if they had a moment, but I’m sure if we had got past, we would have gone quicker. There seemed to be cars off all over the place, including Tony Jardine (yes, Tony “I’m bloody everywhere” Jardine), but we got to the end of the stage and had clearly made up a lot of time as a result of the problem. But I also realised that the car that was stuck in stage was…. the Nissan Micra Kit car, which was the only other car in class A5. And they must have lost 10 minutes at least as they were 10 in front of us. I put it out of my mind though, and off to SS5, which was Ebblake, one of my favourites, although the traffic on the way there wasn’t my favourite – we only had about 30 seconds to spare…..

Ebblake is a stage I really like as it has come great corners in the first section, and then a fast run at the end which I’ve got better at each time. The opening section went well, and then over the narrow bridge and a 90 left. Which was slippy. Very slippy, and we looked to be going in the ditch, but I stopped just in time. I then turned the wheel and went to pull away.

And ended up in the ditch.

Idiot.

I couldn’t believe it. We couldn’t move. The wheel in the ditch was just spinning, and if we’d had the LSD, we’d have been out. No, in fact we wouldn’t have been in there with the LSD, but that’s by the by.

Several ages passed. Well, a minute, as the escort behind us passed. Then, finally, one of the spectators decided to give us a hand, and then a few more followed, suddenly many were helping, and still it wouldn’t move. The only way was to lift the front of the car sideways, and they did it! I don’t know who was there helping out, but a massive, MASSIVE thanks to each of you.

We got going fairly quickly, Paul found his place, and off we went. Just managed to beat the Stage Maximum time (5:55 instead of 6:00), but we thought we’d have lost a couple of minutes to the Becketts in the Skoda. As it turns out we were about 1:15 behind them as a result of this. Back to service we went, although when I asked Paul to pass me my banana from the glove box he said I “didn’t deserve it”, and I think he was right. He was sure we wouldn’t make up the time and beat them by the end of the day, but I was determined to do so.

Checked everything over – there was a rattle from the front (just for a change), but nothing seemed wrong. So off we went to Shannon 1, which is Ringwood South. Not normally a good stage for me as a lot of the tracks are black, loamy soil which seems to grab the car and take control. But I must be getting better at controlling it as we went much better than previously, and although there were a couple of moments it went OK. And we took 15 seconds out of our targets. Then, the big one, and another favourite, Mount Ararat. This is over 10 miles, and a good chance to get really into it. I didn’t think I was doing to well though – it was OK, but nothing better than that. And the times showed that – we were only a second or so faster than the Becketts, and I think I’d just lost a bit of confidence and didn’t want to bin it, especially as there were fewer spectators about. And then Somerley, which is always good for the first bit – the house and the forest, but then the end is always rough. And so it proved this year, although for once I kept my head when outside the house, and didn’t lock up on the tarmac, and also trusted the notes and gave it more beans on the sections before and after. But the end! OH, the end was soooo rough, I can’t describe it adequately. For some reason, they always take the route off the normal road, and this year it was into some black soil which then obviously got cut up and then it was just tree roots. Really nasty, and, for me, not what rallying is about. It would be much better if they just set up a chicane or something instead. But there you go. We took another 5 seconds back here too.

A quick check at Emergency service, then back to Canford arena again, and this time found the problem – the strut top bolts were working loose. Kev sorted that out, and we were ready to go again.

SS9 was Bere Heath (Lawson Clump to the locals), known as Grid Law this year. It’s ALWAYS terrible here, and the first part of the stage certainly was. But later in the stage it was much better than before – it had been regraded properly for once, and was drivable at speed without being scared to death. The end was where I had a moment in 2005, and I took it a little more accurately and went OK. And another 9 seconds to the good as well!

SS10 was Wareham, which was a semi-rerun of the morning Wareham stage, again manned by the BDCC. It was soft and rutted to hell, especially at the beginning. There were quite a few cars off, including the Peugeot Cosworth (sadly), and a rolled Rover 220, and also the 106 of Alec Holding who was in a ditch by the second bridge of the stage, but OK. I think this all went pretty well – although it was rutted, we took good lines round the ruts and ditch-hooked the ruts to keep the speed up, and it paid off – the Becketts apparently got beached on one corner for a while, and we took 40 seconds off them. And we were no longer in last place!

SS11 was Bere Wood, which was a re-run of the 2005 Shakedown stage, albeit in reverse. Which was a bit of knowledge, although it had changed a bit. I decided it was time to practice doing pendulum turns by this point, although one of my early attempts happened a bit too soon, and we cut too much off the corner, but I got away with it. And we set an identical time to the other Skoda. Excellent.

Back to service again, and apart from fitting the lamp pod, the only thing I thought about was changing front tyres, but we didn’t have a pair that were worth changing to – the ground here is much softer than in Wales, and the tyre wear wasn’t bad, so we left it as is; if it ain’t broke…..

SS12 was Somerley 2, in reverse, but meaning we’d start out with the roots section, which was no fun. But the rest of the stage was good; it was starting to get a bit dark and I guess quite a few people had gone home – couldn’t really tell as I was a little busy at this point. Somerley’s tracks are always good to drive on, and it’s a great stage – reminds me of classic RAC stuff from the TV years ago. And it went well, although only 0.6 seconds faster than the Becketts – this was getting properly close now!

SS13 was Plumley Wood, which is Mount Ararat in reverse with a bit extra. And is another favourite, and I was determined to go well. The white Mk.2 escort was behind us again (they’d had to get fuel earlier in the day and book in late), and I was determined that this year I wouldn’t get passed on the stage, so I went a bit quicker than in the morning. The pendulum turns were going a bit better (although I overshot one big braking area, but not too badly, and better than braking an hour before I needed to), and best of all, didn’t get caught. 22 seconds was the advantage on this stage, which was good going, I thought.

And finally, SS14, Shannon 2. By now it was fully dark, and although I wanted to finish, I didn’t want to pootle about, as this is probably the last time I’ll get to drive the car in anger. This went well though, apart from being caught! Not by the white Escort (92), but another one. He was flying on the straights (and there’s a couple of long ones), but on the next corner, he gave us a nice display as he slid sideways and looked like he was going off! Down the straights, though, he was well quick. But then he’s got a 16v Vauxhall Engine under the bonnet, as it happens…..

We’d done it – providing we could get back to town, we’d finished. And we’d finished in front of another car. And won our class. The car was running well, and we got to the town centre without incident. As ever, there was a huge queue down Richmond hill, and kids wanting autographs and we gave a couple of them roadbooks and pace notes. We also had a cute kid whose parents (who sounded to be Jamaican) asked if he could sit on Paul’s lap and have his picture taken. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a cute kid! He looked really happy to be there. Also saw my first girlfriend, Jackie, who is now in the Police. And over the ramp we went! A quick word and then we were off. Just had to do all the normal downer-type stuff of picking up Paul’s car from the near-deserted service area, and then shower and go to the awards do!

I won’t go on, but it was an honour to get an award from Russell Brookes and Lord Normanton, especially when it looks like this:

Perhaps it was as important to know that we’d done a good job all day, had fun, and got quicker. I’ve said before I’ll never be a “good” driver, but when I look back on the last two times I’ve done the Sunseeker, I now know I’m ready for a quicker car. So that’s what I’ll have for next year. But in the meantime it’s time for a clean!

Well, the malaise soon left me. Once I’d had a sleep, some food and a shower, and fitted the new, custom made (thanks Mum!) helmet hammock, I was ready to go. We got to the service area in a bit of a shower, and it was getting dark by then, but much warmer than last year. And we had to set off a bit earlier than before as 7 minutes is added to the road time for refuelling (which we’d already done, at Murco!), but we got to town with time to spare. This is the first time I’ve done it that I’ve been capable of rational speech, but still managed to make a fool of myself with Innes interviewing me for Globecast…..

Stage 1 was interesting – firstly, there was some confusion with the marshals and their timings, then I made a really bad job of the start, and the engine bogged down. Just didn’t get it right through the whole of the section before the prom, and then into the first chicane braked early as it was sandy and looked dodgy. It was OK. Into the next chicane (which was a four-bend job!), it was OK on the first two, but went to turn right and….. lots of understeer, and a near-barrier moment. Got to the end OK, and round we went again.

I must be getting to be an old hand as we actually took the time to get out and watch a couple of cars go off. One, a Land Rover took off like a rocket. The next (a discovery) was a bit more sedate and then missed a gear up the road which sounded really dodgy! Then an RS2000 fired off in a plume of smoke and screeches from the tyres. Nice.

Run 2 was better, got a good start, kept the speed up through the corners and by the Pier (apparently looked OK according to Clair), and then off for the long, l-o-n-g runs to the chicanes. And made a pig’s ear of the second one, so lost any time I’d made up elsewhere. Idiot!

Still, got through it all OK, didn’t get caught my the Mk2 behind (who looked to have had even MORE of a mare at the chicane), and got back to service on time. It’s really odd being sat at home with mindless Friday night TV on while I know there are hardcore WRC cars in Bournemouth Gardens, but I’m pooped and going to watch them tomorrow would be a bad idea! It’s the only downside of competing – you don’t get to watch!

However, we’re 15 seconds behind the Beckett Bros in our only real competition. This will not do!

OK, so picture the scene. It’s Friday morning at 8am. I’ve got everything ready, but I’m not nervous. This isn’t right. At all.

I think, really, it’s because I was expecting a bit of a progression – LSD and gearbox – and although I’ve now spoken to the guy, I’m not getting it until at least next week. Which is a bummer, ‘cos I’m not planning on driving again until December! Anyway, we went off to the service area to find….

… the gates were still locked – the guy who had the key was still in bed. So we had to go in the out (oooh, controversial), and then find that there were no stickers or anything ready either! The perils of being the first crews through (all local boys), eh?

But when the stickers (and the lovely Jemma Pink) arrived, there was a real revelation. Following Stu’s advice to use water spray when putting stickers on, even Paul can put them on without creases or bubbles! Amazing! Noise test was a breeze (83dB!), and then off to scrutineering which went without a hitch, except for Paul pressing the horn button with his foot as we entered the Littledown centre for about 3 seconds, waking everyone up and saving the scrutineer the bother of testing it! He was a very nice, friendly chap, and we passed without any problems, and signed up.

We’re ready. And I’m starting to get into it now. Let’s face it, I have a good, reliable rally car on the drive, and I’m doing something that 20,000 people will watch tonight, and I’m sure most of them will think “I wish I was doing that!”. All I need now is someone to give me “the look” – when I drive past them and you know they’re thinking “You lucky, lucky bugger!”.

Actually, now I’ve got “Just for Today” on the stereo by Hybrid, and I look at the car. I’m nervous. I must be ready…..

Many things in life don’t work out as you planned them – becoming an Astronaut (or rather not) was my first disappointment. You’d think by 35 I’d be used to it, but despite being generally cynical about many things, I’ve been a bit crestfallen by the lack of a posh gearbox or LSD for the Sunseeker. And remember this is the event that made me first get into rallying, being local and also involving a town-centre blast which attracts many thousands of spectators. But I’ve been bummed by this, and having to call every day to try to find out what’s happening.

Answer – nothing.

So, another gearbox needed to be found. There was an option that was a 400-mile round trip, which Paul dutifully did the other day, but on eBay there was a Felicia breaking, 59k miles, with a blown engine. 99p start, no reserve, in Bournemouth. I went to look at it, and frankly, couldn’t believe it – it was mint. Took my best “car guy” act to look disinterested, but the guy wanted £100 for it to cover the cost of his mechanic saying “yeah, mate, that’s screwed”. So I had to walk, and play the waiting game. To cut to the chase, on Sunday I picked it up (minus its new wheels – big deal) for £40. And took the ‘box out, and put in in the Felicia on Tuesday, the same day Paul was collecting the other ‘box. And it’s fine. OK, it’s obviously a standard box, but it’s quiet, works well and has a really tight gearchange. Splendid. After spending an hour getting the steering right (new rack), it was pretty much ready to go. With wheels that I’d painted with yellow spray hammerite (never mix spray and paint hammerite now, ‘cos they react! I know this for a 3-hour-long cleaning fact), it looks spanky!

The car is probably as well prepared as it ever has been in my hands, and definitely in the last keeper’s hands. Splendid.

However, this leaves me with a mint 1997 shell. Which I’ve had an idea about – I was thinking of re-shelling N158 into it, but that seems a waste – it’s a perfectly good rally car, and has a lot of life left in it. So I’m going to (shock! horror!) sell N158UBD and build a new rally car (more of a Group A car, with all the Group N stuff that you would have to leave in, removed), with the gearbox (if/when I see it), and a much faster engine. The engine will probably cost what I’m going to sell N158 for (£2k), but it’ll be worth it. And we’ll be doing Rally GB in a car that I’ve built, which is really going to be an achievement. Hopefully!

A really pleasant surprise today was that the weather was good – a little chilly (but it’s February after all), but dry and bright, and not too windy. We got everything together (including all the service stuff in the boot of Kev’s car as he was running as chase car), and went to service. The front runners were already off, but we had over an hour to wait. A few things to do to the car (change tyres, move the video camera so it didn’t just see the bonnet an 10 feet of road), and check over. All looked good, so we put some fuel in, and off we went.

First up was SS3, Bere Heath, over towards Wareham forest. We sat in the queue for a while, and just before the car in front of us was pulling up to the line, I thought I saw some steam, but was relieved to see it was their exhaust vapour. Except it wasn’t. The car was overheating in a big way. The temperature gauge was only on normal, but the fan hadn’t kicked in, and it was seriously hot under there. I couldn’t believe it. Not even starting the first stage looked the only outcome. I quickly bodged the fan switch wires together, and the fan came on. Only time would tell if the engine had been cooked by this, but there was nothing to do other than take it easy for the first few hundred yards and hope it went OK.

Soon all this was forgotten as it was as rutty as I remember – on any of the corners, I was barely driving the car, it just followed the ruts. I didn’t experiment to test if you could actually let go of the wheel and the car follow the ruts, but it felt that way for sure. It was more a case of ‘grit your teeth and go for it’ than actually driving the car with any skill. The next stage, Wareham North was much the same, but twice as long. Then we had Gore Heath, somewhere I know reasonably well. The first half of the stage was as rutty as the others, but later on it was a bit better, and we could actually control where it was going, and not skid along on the sumpguard. And we also had the pleasure of seeing the gorgeous Jemma Pink at the Time Card collection at the end of the stage, which was a nice bonus for finishing it!

We got back to service to see that our times were slower than the other Skoda. Not massively so, but we were now 14 seconds behind them, and that wasn’t good enough. Paul then slipped neatly into his new role as navigator and chief motivator. The next stages were what I consider to be “proper” – i.e. the roads are strong enough to take what the cars in front have dished out, and as a result we could actually drive the car and get it sliding about going into the corners, etc. Paul was often telling me not to back off and to push, and this stage felt good. At the start of the stage we were told that a certain corner was “very very slippy”, and the course car had gone off at that point! So when we saw it, I took it a bit easy, but it didn’t seem that slippy to me or the others who I spoke to. I think they may just have over-cooked it! However, we later found out that we were still trailing the other Skoda, but by less this time. The next tstage was Ebblake, and that was good too. There was a delay at the start of stage 8, Mount Ararat, which at 10.6 miles is the second longest on the rally. And instead of checking the car over, I just stood about and had a chat. When the queue started to move, I realised the right rear was completely flat, and there was a very hurried couple of minutes for us to get the wheel changed, but we did it inside the allowed time. However, we started the stage with the intercom disconnected, and in the hurry to get it done, it came apart, and Paul had to hold it for the stage while reading the notes. This probably lost us about 15 seconds at the start, which was a pity as we were 6 seconds slower than the Becketts on this one too. But getting closer, ‘cos that’s not a lot over 10 miles.

Next up was Somerley, which is always good as the stage is varied (including a tarmac section by the house), and with good forest tracks for the most part. It was going pretty well, with Paul making sure I didn’t back off too soon, and we got some good air in a couple of places. Coming past the house there’s a 90 right, and I was going for it, and forgot that i was on forest tyres, so there was a rather big lock-up. Paul later said I was “showboating”, but I just had brain fade. The next section was fast and straight, and we got good speed up there, but there seemed to be a missing corner in the notes, and that slowed us down, and the end section was a real mess – always is here – but we took 15 seconds out of the Becketts on this stage, so that meant we were now only 10 behind them.

Back to service, just to check the car over (a marked contrast to the frenzied servicing that all the crews at the pointy end do), and then off for SS10, Gore Heath 2. Here it was much the same as before, but we went better in the latter part of the stage, but were 5 seconds slower than the first time – the ruts were unbelievable, and there were a couple of times I thought we’d not get out. On the latter part, although I took the corners better, I felt the engine wasn’t giving full power – it just seemed to be a bit gutless, although Paul was sure it was the mud slowing us down. Still, we took another 11 seconds out of the Becketts here, and were actually in front of them! Finally, I wasn’t last in the Sunseeker after some forest stages. OK, it was only 1.3 seconds, but that’s still ahead. And again, the joys of the same time card collection woman as on SS5. I got out because the car was making a horrible noise (turned out the terratrip probe had lunched itself in the wheel at some point), but alas was too busy to make conversation. Damn!

Next was Wareham, this time a reverse of the first Wareham stage, but with an extra loop added. The smoother parts of the stage went pretty well, but the cut-up sections were, well, cut up badly, and again it was ‘follow the ruts’. Took another 13 seconds out of the Becketts to move 14 seconds in front of them. This was going well!

And now it was Stapehill which was a reverse run, largely, of SS6. This went well too, getting good speed through the corners, and this year not backing off at all on the long straight up to the finish. This sounds a bit girly, but when you’re going 80-85 on gravel and going between two very sturdy gateposts, not backing off seems alien. But it actually steadies the car, and that’s a good thing. Again, made another 10 seconds on the other Skoda crew, so the lead was now 25 seconds.

Back to service once more, and put the light pod back on, as we’d need it towards the end. Unfortunately, it seemed that this morning’s overheating antics were coming home to roost. The car just seemed to be losing power – the long straights of somerley (mostly uphill this way round) meant the car just wouldn’t pull cleanly and often where I’d expect to be flat in third wouldn’t work at all, and I’d maybe be at 50% revs (no rev counter, so that’s as accurate as the figures get, alas). This was bad, and I sensed that a non-finish was on the cards. We lost 15 seconds of our lead here – we didn’t know it at the time, but I was certain of that, and we had the longest stage to go yet, Plumley Wood (basically a reversal of Mount Ararat).

The car was getting very slow now – third gear was not an option if there was any kind of incline, which meant for the most part our top speed was around 40. I couldn’t believe it – a simple 50p item was looking like it would cost us not only the coveted “not bloody last again” trophy (self made, of course), but even a finish. At several times the car just seemed to not want to go at all, and although I think my driving was getting better as the day went on, I’m not good enough to be able to lose that sort of time. We got passed by a 205GTi towards the end of the stage (he was around 3 minutes faster than us on the stage!), but by then I was just hoping the car wouldn’t die. It kept going, thankfully, but I knew we’d have lost a lot of time as there are two very long straights on this stage (again, uphill), and even just there we must have lost a lot. Turned out it was around a minute. Bye bye to any hope of a lead. Turned out we were now 47 seconds down on them.

Finally, there was Ebblake again, in reverse. This isn’t a bad stage, but there is a series of horrible, loamy corners which just grab the car when you don’t expect it, but by now it was just a case of second gear only – third was out of the question completely. Still, took a few corners well, and I was staggered that we actually got to the finish. Lost another 23 seconds here, and were now 1:10 down. But we still needed to get to the finish, in Bournemouth, so I drove as carefully and engine-preservingly as possible, and we actually made it back to the town hall, although pulling up the ramp into the car park the engine sounded really bad to me. But it did make it. We finished. We finished last, but we did finish. And if the engine hadn’t cried “enough”, then I’m certain we wouldn’t have been last. Paul seemed to have a good time, and going over the finish ramp was a good feeling, ‘cos I was certain an hour before that it’d be a cold wait in the forest before a long tow home.

A massive thanks has to go to Kevin Jackson for being our chase car this year. He was to compete with Steve Colville, but Steve couldn’t get a car in time for the event, so Kev spent the day supporting us by meeting us at the end of most stages, and checking that all was well. Fortunately there wasn’t a lot for him to do, but it’s massively appreciated.

Next year, I’m not going to be last.

Yesterday it was snowing all day. Today has been a lot better, so much so that I decided to go for the dry option, some Yoko 048Rs. Fitted them, and went off to the service area about 45 minutes before we were due to start. Get everything set, get our times, etc. Paul sheepishly said “Is that tyre supposed to look like that?” Unreal – a puncture! Luckily I’d put a spare in the car, so we at least had something to fit to it. Didn’t help calm my nerves though!

So, off we went to Stage 1. And got there with about 10 minutes to spare, so I got out of the car, and was interviewed by Innes and Alison Marlow for the globecast broadcast, and was really really nervous. I think it showed! But had a bit of fun anyway, and then spoke to a few people from the Britishrally.com forum. But to be honest I was so nervous about it all I just couldn’t make any sense or anything, so I just put my helmet on and got in the car.

Stage one went OK, I suppose. There’s a bit of a surprise as there was a tight 90 Right 90 left before going under the flyover, and the chicanes, which were quite tight. But it went OK, and I had the great pleasure of seeing Ciara Conlan from britishrally.com forum at the end of the stage – never unpleasant!

Back round for stage 2. This time we were wedged between an Impreza and a Hyundai Accent WRC. I was worried we’d get caught, but by the time we got to the long runs on the seafront, we hadn’t been, and couldn’t really see his lights, so we were OK – focus to the front now. Made a reasonable improvement (8 seconds), and – get this – actually beat the Accent’s time by 2 seconds!. Not often I’ll do that!

Back to service, timing was a bit tight, but we got there OK, only to find that we and the Beckett Brothers in the other Skoda (and our only real rivals on the rally) were both given 1 minute penalties – eventually we found out this was an inputting error and had been removed.

I just found out something amusing. I think I might have put down Paul’s hobbies as being “exaggerating”. The commentator apparently mentioned this a number of times when we came through, as well as saying “that’s the slowest car I’ve ever seen”. Well, the results say different – at the moment we’re in front of three cars. Only two of them have had ‘mares, and we’re only 0.8 seconds behind the Becketts.

Tomorrow will see if I’ve made any improvement in driving skill since last year!

Well, I just about got the car finished – there were a couple of things to do this morning (one of which was ‘cut your thumb open with a holesaw’ – not on the list, but I did it anyway), and got to the service area around 9. There were already quite a few cars and crew there, and the first thing we noticed was….. It was bitterly cold! Hideously so – just putting the tarp out was a challenge, and then we had to run down to get the stickers for the car. There were quite a few of them, and the door stickers are over a foot square. Needless to say, Paul didn’t make light work of this, and I had to take over as “big sticker boy”. But we got ’em on, and got noise tested (a HUGE 82dB!), and then off to Littledown for scrutineering – always the most nervous part of any rally for me, and even more so as at the Sunseeker, it’s inside a leisure centre, so everything is on show, and it seems really official.

Needn’t have worried, everything was in order, and after about 10 minutes we were pushed back outside so we could get on with our documentation, which was also in perfect order.

However, on the way back to my house, I noticed a knocking sound, which was getting louder, so would some attention. Turned out that the front brake caliper bolts don’t have enough thread on them, and it was a little loose, and also the left-side driveshaft had a bit of play in the inner joint. It would probably be OK, but I thought I’d change it anyway. Once this was done, it then turned out that the terratrip would only work when turning right. Half an hour later, I was still scratching my head – no problems with the wire when not fixed to the car, but when on, it was doing the same. However, it was too late to worry about that. We’re first car off, so we should be leaving service around 6:31, and on stage around 7:01 and 7:25. Let’s hope my nightmare of a week ago doesn’t come true!

Well, that was interesting. Started out early, just to make sure all was well, and the car is a bit of a bitch to start in the mornings, so I felt it was a good idea to take plenty of time to make sure. But it actually started up easily, and we made the last few checks, and then loafed around for an hour or so, before setting off at 9:35 for the first 5 stages of the day. And they were OK – first up was Stapehill (or Uddens to us locals), and that was the first gravel stage. It was a bit rutted in places already, but we had a reasonable pass at it (or so I thought, anyway, until seeing the times), and then onto Ashley Heath, which was a bit more rutted and dodgy – the gravel parts were OK, but when you get onto the black, loamy soil that makes up a lot of this area, then it’s a nightmare, as you’re just sucked into the ruts that the previous 100 cars have left, and there’s little I can do about the direction of the car – it can get a bit skittish at times when you’re doing 70 on that sort of surface. On the gravel, things are fine, though. Some of the corners were already super-rutted, and we were skidding along on the sump-guard already!

Next up was SS5, Mount Ararat, which was 10.6 miles long, and a real test of endurance. It’s not too rough though, just suffering from some rutted corners in places, so it wasn’t too bad. We saw the Nova that was leading the class at the side of the road here. Turns out that he ran out of fuel as his chase car couldn’t find him between SS4 and SS5! Oh dear. And then it was onto Somerley, where there are plenty of spectators – when you come out of the forest and see the house, it’s a bit like one of the stages on Colin McRae 2005 on the UK rally. And I think I had a bit of an Xbox moment as Kev said I started showing off! It was on tarmac there though, so that’s much easier to go mad on.

And then SS7, Hurn. This is just up the road from here, and somewhere I drove on many years ago. But there were some HUGE potholes – about a foot deep, and probably four feet by three, right after a crest, so you hit them without any chance of doing anything about it. It was right before a hairpin, and the car was all over the place, and I thought it had broken something as it wasn’t steering properly, but that was just all the dirt we were ploughing through. After that, it was OK, although again getting super-rutted near any corners or chicanes. But it was time to go back to service, and put some fuel in the car – everything else seemed fine, so we left it as it was.

On to the three Wareham stages next, which were renowned for being rough. And they certainly were that. SS8 wasn’t too bad, but there were the same problems with the black soil and rutting at corners, but I went flat out for the flying finish, and had a really scary moment – there was a bad bump there, and the car took off, and when we landed it ended up drifting off to the right – there was a 15-foot wide strip of grass, and then some trees. We were doing about 70 at this point, and heading for the trees. I steered the other way, but of course the back went out towards the trees, so I just steered into it, and hoped for the best. It seemed to take an age (although watching the video it’s over in a couple of seconds), and I was convinced we were going over, but somehow the car righted itself and I got us back on the track. And apologised a lot! The marshals at the end said it looked ‘interesting’.

SS9 was hideously rough – the tracks were all soft, and we spent most of it on the sumpguard. When you go down a track like this, you see two wheel-tracks, and in the middle a polished section of earth that’s perfectly flat where people’s sumpguards have been running on it – it looks like someone has plastered it! Very slow through here, and the next stage too, which was similar, and quite boggy in places. Back to service for some more fuel, and then off again!

Somerley 2 was next up, and this was similar to 1, except in reverse. Again, a chance to go a bit madder on the tarmac in front of the spectators, although I’m sure it was a bit of an anti-climax after the preceding 80 or so cars left running. There are some long straights here that take lots of bottle. Something that I clearly lack as doing 80 here was more than enough for me.

White Sheet was next up, which was SS3 in reverse, and good fun this time round – no black soil, and lots of ditches to try to take advantage of when cornering. It’s pretty rutted here too, but nowhere near as bad as Wareham.

By this time, we’d seen the results sheets, and knew that there was no point in going mental. We were well beaten, and a finish was the best we could do. And it was Hurn 2 this time. I didn’t think we went that much slower, but in fact we were 20 seconds down on the first run, which I’m gutted about now.

Back to service for a last time, and then off to SS14 – Plumley Wood, which was SS5 in reverse. Unfortunately here because of two others’ errors, we were in front of them. And during the 10 miles of this stage, both of them caught us, and the car starting running badly as well. I was frankly gutted, as seeing the way the guys shot off, and went round corners like men possessed showed me that I’m not cut out for this.

We got to the start of SS15 and I had a couple of minutes, so I took a look under the bonnet, and found that the reason for the poor running was that the air temperature sensor bracket had broken, meaning it was reading as if the air was incredibly cold (due to the bracket providing the earth connection). Into the boot, I cable-tied it in place, and it made the car run OK! Good news, at last. So into Ebblake, and this wasn’t too bad, although it was getting dark now, and that meant it was harder to see the surface changes – it was possible to end up on the nasty black stuff without realising it, which made for some scary moments, although it wasn’t as bad as earlier. Again, we were slower than the first run, though, although I think the massive rutting in a couple of sections may have contributed to that….

Finally, SS16, Somerley 3, which was a rull run of Somerley 1, but in reverse. And that was good fun. Again we had a car behind, but they didn’t catch us this time, and it was SO rough I could hardly believe it – the tracks were really cut up, and there were lots of stutter bumps where people’s braking had caused the gravel to form a washboard. Nasty to drive over, for sure. But we finished it.

Except we hadn’t, yet. We needed to get back to Bournemouth Town Hall Annexe to get a final time, and then into the Square. We got to the Town Hall OK, and got our time, and then sat in a queue down Richmond Hill for 20 minutes or so while each car went over the finish ramp and was interviewed by Robin, who is a star – a total natural on the mic. In this time, we had about 10 boys come up and ask for our autographs! I didn’t have the heart to tell them, I just signed away anyway. I was surprised that there were still people waiting there, and interested in what had gone on, even for us as last but one through. All good stuff, and nice to know that we finished it.

But we finished 67th in the end, from 92 starters. After SS3 we were in last place all day. At the risk of doing a Sinatra, I’m really not sure I’m cut out for driving in the forests. I can at least control the car, and get round a corner OK, but I’m way off the pace. We were being beaten clearly by a totally standard Favorit – not just edged here and there, but utterly trashed. I get to a certain speed on a track, and then I back off, ‘cos frankly I’m crapping myself. When the car goes light at 70 or so, and it gets twitchy, then I’m just thinking “crash”, and that’s clearly not how a real rally driver thinks. And after finishing the rally last night, I felt really depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I was never expecting to come anywhere, but I wasn’t expecting to be so slow and crap myself whenever we got going. We’re not talking Newton Abbot Audi here – that was totally different, utter fear. But this was reaching my natural “that’s fast enough” limit. I brake too early, and generally don’t give it enough to make the grade as far as I’m concerned. I’d be happy if I felt I could drive well enough to get to the finish in a reasonable time, but the only time I really went for it (apart from Friday night) nearly ended in disaster. I guess I’ll have to think about it for a couple of days.